Monday, September 29, 2008


And then there was another.

I was going to wait for the next Rants and Laughs, but this one is too good. Jonathan Blow, a developer of the Braid game, starts out by asking for some solutions to problems he's running into doing a Linux port of the game.

The freetard brigade arrives, and hilarity ensues, causing Jonathan to give up, and then finish up with a comment worthy of an article here.

And since this is a mini-post, I'll leave you with a quick thought:

If you upgrade your version of Windows and an application breaks, it's Microsoft's fault. If you upgrade your version of OS X and your application breaks, it's the ISV's fault. If you upgrade your version of Linux and your application breaks, well, that's your own damn fault.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Rants and Laughs 5

Mo' fo' dat ass.

  • A BBC Editor is Getting to grips with Linux. Yes lusers, this is what usually happens when normal people try to use Linux when not in your odorous presence.
  • Even Shuttle-man doesn't think you can replace Windows with Linux.
  • Another six reasons why Ubuntu isn't the #1 OS. With rare insight such as: It seems that people don't mind spending hundreds of dollars on closed source commercial software. They even put up with ads in their software - just so they can send animated smilies (aka Yahoo Messenger).
    Uh huh. Whatever you say dude.
  • A luser begrudging finds his way back to Windows, then finds out that it actually works way better. Then, he challenges lusers to "bring him back" to their freetard commune.
  • LinuxToday editor Carla Shroder proves that she knows very little about other operating systems which supposedly can't do "Cool Compiz/Beryl blingy stuff".
  • Sam Varghese with another lame "20 reasons to use Linux" article.
  • Let's blame Asus for Linux sucking on the eee 901. I used to have a lot of respect for Asus and generally sought out Asus components when building a computer. My experience with the eee has really turned me off and I doubt I will ever look at Asus the same. 

    At the moment I’m looking for a solution to all of this. Can anyone recommend a Linux distro that does work well on the 901 model? I have absolutely no interest in putting windows on this no matter how well it may work. 
  • FSM's 10 easy ways to attract women to your free software project. Who knew it was so easy. And the title sounds like something that should be on the front conver of Cosmo.
  • Wow, a fellow hater. I have a feeling this guy might hate Linux as much as I do.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Free as long as you "give back"

So like, this FOSS shit is supposed to be free right? Like I can take the code and go make a bajillion dollars with it, or make some pretty awesome product with it as long as I release all the source code when I'm asked to, right?

That's what the fucking license says right?

Well, apparently there's some stuff that they might have forgotten to stipulate.

It turns out, with open source code, you can take a free kernel, integrate it into a larger desktop distribution that manages to make like 10 people happy and whole bunch of people wet their panties over Linux, and ship it marginally successfully for several releases. But in the process, you might have just forgotten to "give back" a little. You might have spent your time making the desktop stack work better instead of the kernel or gcc. You might not have sent in thousands of kernel patches because you were more worried about making Xorg work, or codec installation easier.

It doesn't matter. Use the kernel in a media-visible way but don't actively contribute upstream? Bingo! you get a big fat steamer on your doorstep. You get called out at the opening speech of Luserfest 2008.

So you see? maybe the GPL isn't really free. Sure you can take the code, but don't you dare go and do something that makes you seem like you have a bigger dick than everyone else, at least, not without giving your testicles back to the cause. The GPL just talks about the code. What it doesn't talk about is how you also have to follow the "spirit" of open source, or be prepared for incoming PR shit mortars. 

This is fucking amateur hour people. You know what all those big software companies do? They have PR people. Most engineers hate them, mostly because they're yet another layer between you and your customer. Most customers hate them too, because you're trying to explain what you want, and they don't really have any clue what you're talking about. But then once in a while, you see freetard engineers like Mr. KH here make an ass-clown of themselves, and then you understand. 

I'm glad your conference got off to such a great start. You're all gonna talk about how you should improve Linux plumbing, and then spawn off like 20 projects, half-finish all of them, and call it progress. I'm like super serially excited here.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Wine, with a side of Chrome

I know I've already hated on the wine project before, but what the hell, it's fun!

I came across this really wonderful story today, about how CodeWeavers has a wine-based package to run Chrome on Linux.

First of all, isn't Chrome FOSS!? (as in fucking open source software?) Aren't you supposed to port that shit, instead of create a matchsticks-and-glue emulation of a proprietary API just to run an app written for another platform that uses a bunch of open source libraries in the first place? Google totally threw the source over to y'all. Where's the freetard brigade that's supposed to patch it all up and make it run really great on Linux? Oh, right. I forgot. They're busy fighting Shuttle-man about Firefox. Seriously guys. Shuttleworth is some day going to really regret all that money he spent trying to buy you guys a fucking clue.

And secondly, look around wine dudes. Out of all the missing applications on Linux, you decide to spend 11 days working on porting another browser. Sweet. Because THAT's what Linux is missing right now. *

But I shouldn't be surprised right? I mean if y'all had any kind of clue at all, you'd realize that you only really need Wine to support three apps to make a huge dent (and no, one is not Picasa). They are Outlook, Word, and Solitaire (And I don't mean Outlook 2000 ok?). Spider Solitaire for extra credit. Oh, but my bad, that would require some coordination and focus. I've read my own fucking rants long enough that that I know that ain't gonna happen. Keep trying boys, if you want to. I'll just remember to laugh at you again when the virtualization boyz totally beat you to a pulp.

* Which makes me think, aside from games and picasa, what useful apps does wine let me run on Linux for which there is no OSS alternative? uTorrent? FAIL. EAC? FAIL. Nope, I guess it really is all games these days. So much for being productive on Linux.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

It's all about determination

A wonderful post on "Linux Weekly" reminded me of another lame luser talking point.

I think one of the main reason most of the people try Linux and go back to Windows is that they aren't determined to make the switch, and they can't conceive that there are other ways of doing things than the Windows methods. If something is done differently on Linux, they quickly jump to a conclusion that goes like 'This is not right, on Windows it's done the other way around.
What the fuck? People don't switch to Linux because they aren't determined enough?

Talk about putting the cart before the horse. You lusers always make the same damn assumption, that for some self-mutilating reason,"people" actually want to switch to Linux.

You know, it turns out that if you make something better and it makes people more productive then people will switch to it, regardless of whether they are "determined" or not. I mean look at Google Chrome for example. That thing has been out one week and it already has more penetration than Linux on the desktop. 

Making people more productive usually means either that a) they don't have to learn anything new and they can do what they always did a little better, or that b) they have to learn a tiny bit more, but they could do something before that they couldn't previously.

For most people, switching to Linux is neither a) or b). You have to learn a bunch of new stuff to do the same old shit. And by switching, you lose access to tons of apps, thereby enabling you to do less. Oh but it does enable you to spend many of your weekends now trying to learn to program so that you can fix bugs and contribute code so that programs will let you do what you could already do before you started going down this merry path. No, there is no command to give you your life back.

Oh by the way, I have this invention that you might like. It's a new kind of scissor. It's got one big handle hole to put your leg through, and another smaller one to stick your dick through. It's really great. You can cut shit and get off at the same time. I'm sure you can totally throw away your old scissors it if you are determined enough to do so. So who wants one?

And before I go, Twitter is a flaming pile of shit.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Real time hate

Just wanted to mention, I've started a twitter feed: .

I've always thought twitter was kind of lame, but we'll see how it goes. 

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Word to your mother

reddit is fucking awesome. It really is. It's got this whole Linux section where freetards automatically mod up the stupidest stories. I don't even have to go looking for material any more. It's just there.

This evening, I'd like to give a little shout out to a great new blog I found: "Help for Linux". This is like the archetype of a luser blog. Doesn't seem very popular, but I don't really understand why, as it has scintillating articles such as "Is Fedora better than Ubuntu?" or "7 Reasons Why KDE Sucks" (I hope you have your shit-shield equipped, dude).

But one post caught my eye in particular: "Mombuntu - Ubuntu For Your Mom!"

This post starts with your standard "why Linux is better than Windows" crap. But the rest of it is a list of instructions on how to set up Ubuntu so that it's palatable to your mentally retarded mother. Among his useful suggestions:
  • Install drivers that don't suck
  • Create desktop shortcuts like "Internet" and "Word"
  • Set OO to use the .doc format by default, "rather than explaining the difference between doc and odf"
  • Set up auto-login
  • Give her detailed instructions on how to write the Ubuntu forums or give her people to contact when she has questions
As I was reading through this list, I surprsingly found myself in agreement. Most of these suggestions would actually be useful. They simplify the experience, and reduce the cognitivie dissonance for the poor mother whose son just totally p0wned her computer.

Then I thought to myself, why the fuck do I have to read this list on a luser amateur's blog? Why aren't these same steps done out of the box? Really guys? some random dude can come up with numerous concrete suggestions for improvements in like 10 minutes?

Let's not forget that most of these steps are to make your brand new Linux act more like Windows...

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Rants and Laughs 4

Got a whole bunch of 'em queued up for you guys tonight.

A reader suggested a cool idea. In honor of the FAIL blog, I will now accept submissions of screenshots of spectacular Linux failures. Maybe direct visual evidence will help free the lusers from their collective trance.